May the 4th be with you ALL!!
For we geeks, today has been all about extra specially expressing our love and adoration for the all things Star Wars. It’s so easy to get lost in it, right!
I actually welcomed being able to start the post with this because, well, today’s topic is…
And while I wish I could tell you that this post was going to be full of great information or great stories BUT that just isn’t the case.
Dating is one of those topics that I could either turn into a stand up comedy routine or my tail of woe.
I don’t feel like doing either. This may be the most bizarro dating post you’ve ever read but I have to be me…bizarro and all.
See, I don’t currently, nor have I ever, really, dated.
Going on the assumption that we are approaching this post in regard to the post college scene, yeah, dating just hasn’t happened for me…mostly by choice.
There is no platform or agenda I am serving with the words “mostly by choice”, it’s just the truth. Plenty of people have been interested and I have for sure been interested in people, but not enough, I suppose, to venture into a scene that is ever changing, especially as you age…almost like no one has the map…???
What I have done with all of this single time is observe.
I am not sure there is time or space in the pages of this blog for me to recount everything I have observed in the past 10+ years but suffice it to say that it has given me the most solid ground to stand on, today, at 34, if I ever wanted to get out there and give it a shot.
So, if it’s ok, I’d like to share my hope for what dating could be…
If I thought that it would and could be fun, I would be going on dates all the time. No really, I would. The problem is we seem to have ourselves nice and stressed out before the day/night even gets here. Not fun.
Between our lifelong daydreams, expectations and societal pressures, how do we keep ourselves from walking into a date like this…
I’d like to propose that we let some of the pressure out of dating…
This could look like a lot of different things to a lot of different people but in My mind and for Me it goes a little something like this…
- Spend enough time with yourself to make sure you enjoy your own company before you ask someone to share it. This is hard. Self reflection is the single hardest thing I have ever had to do but you would be amazed at what we expect out of other people that we don’t expect out of ourselves.
- Love yourself, really love yourself (which kind of goes along with the first). This isn’t easy either. Try saying it out loud after you have a really self defeating thought/action OR thought/action toward someone else. Make sure that no matter what you can say it and mean it. If you can’t, take some time to cultivate that love before you seek it from another. Taking a chance on someone from that kind of place HAS to yield a more positive experience and will leave you less defeated if it doesn’t.
- Rejection has nothing to do with your self worth…not one single thing. Confession time…I have deeply cared for 2 people, incredible people, who never saw me in a romantic fashion. At the time I couldn’t see that it didn’t mean that nobody would or that they weren’t wrong. Everyone isn’t meant for us (and vice versa). If we are brave enough to step onto the field, we have to prepare ourselves for the possible swing and miss. It’s sucks, of course, but it doesn’t mean the next one won’t be a home run.
- Lighten Up for the love of god, lighten up. This really isn’t rocket science. I’ve checked, it isn’t. Look for the opportunities of sharing a laugh and if there are none, you should probably end the date. Taking ourselves too seriously is a major problem and it adds stress to an already stressful situation. Just breathe.
- Say to yourself “this or something better”. Now go and imagine the best of outcomes on entering the dating scene. If you hit a wall, remember that phrase, even in the face of disappointments, you know they come along for a reason.
You may be asking yourself if those 5 things are for realistic and as I said, for me, they are. My amount of self-help isn’t the point of this post but it has been crucial in helping me become the kind of person that won’t drive myself crazy, much less someone else. So, if I can pass on any part of that to someone else, that’s win/win.
Once we get out of our own way, I really do think the rest is pretty simple, like riding a bike the first time in your adulthood, after not riding for years. You may be a bit wobbly (or even fall off) but you can always wipe off the dirt and get back on…and if you can laugh about it, all the better.
I can’t say that I am going to go on a date tomorrow BUT I do know that I am the closest I have been in years, and that’s exciting!!
I’ll date before the year is over, how’s that? Will you?
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Until next time,