If you clicked to open this link then THANK YOU for not giving up on me! I really have enjoyed this project but, as you can see, sometimes the real world just won’t stop hassling me 😉
I kid, I love my jobs, I really do…
When I am not blogging, reading, watching, photographing and con covering with WeGeekGirls, I run my own massage therapy practice, keep up with my niece and nephews at least once a week and work as an “as needed” assistant at a photo lab. Are you dizzy yet? Sometimes I am 😀
So, it’s DAY 31 of this wonderful challenge and I am behind by about half of the posts. Instead of being embarrassed about it, I decided to make a SUPER MEGA POST covering as much of the remaining topics as I feel I have something to say on…
Here we go…
On Sex, Friendship, Men, Marriage, Second Dates, Crushes, True Love and Doing it Yourself
Before you get to excited, let me just let you know that this isn’t an expose’. Bummer, I know. I really do wish I had the moxie to put it ALL out there, like Carrie, but I don’t. I will tell you as much as I am comfortable with though and it will be 100% true.
The first admission is that for most of my adult life and if you care about how long that is, it’s about 16 years, I would tell you that I certainly have no great wisdom on men, sex, marriage, second dates or true love.
After a brief marriage in the beginning of my adulthood (18-20), I spent about 8 years single before having a second date (who turned into a boyfriend of 8 months) and I have been single since then. With the exception of a few crushes, I have had little to no action in the romantic relationship department.
It would be true to say that the end of my marriage left me damaged in ways that it would take me years to realize and most importantly that the blame, if any, should be shared.
I was really reckless in those first 8 years. There were lots of drinks, late nights, headaches, several hook ups, horrible financial decisions, and my self image was in the garbage. I clung to anything that would give me one ounce of attention, even if it was making fun of me. You make poor choices from that place, believe me…
There wasn’t a thing in the world wrong with the one boyfriend I had along the way, but by then we had both learned what not having the right thing was like and well, we wanted the right thing…you know…TRUE LOVE
During the years after that boyfriend I was fortunate enough to befriend several really and truly amazing guys who would eventually teach me how to be friends without having romantic feelings.
I say eventually because I literally spent 4 out the past 8 (give or take, I am not good at math) of the second phase of single years emotionally attached to two of them (not at the same time). In my mind, the point of becoming really good friends was to eventually move to the next phase. THAT IS COLOSSALLY WRONG by the way. Yes, you should want to be friends with your significant other BUT that isn’t the sole reason to befriend people.
What I learned from those two guys, though I didn’t see it at the time, was that it is possible to care about and truly appreciate someone and have zero romantic interest in them. Sure it hurt but man did they love me through it. And through that I have been able to form solid bonds with other guys and not break my own heart. That’s pretty mind blowing. I never knew that good men could still be good men even if they weren’t attracted to me in “that way” <—-This is something everyone should know…vise verse too.
Over the past few years I have had to be that reminder to others. It’s not comfortable to tell someone that you don’t see them that way but that honesty saves both people down the road, believe me.
Now, I didn’t wake up one day and “get it”. In fact, the past two years have been spent in a deep process of self discovery and healing. That process has made sense of the 16 years of mistakes, questions and observations.
I’ve talked a little bit about this in prior posts but I have been working through things with the 1-2 punch of something called Nexalin and Pam. I am blessed in the way that the Nexalin unit I have access to is operated by a beautiful, intuitive soul. The machine has helped my brain and Pam has helped my spirit. To put it a bit more plainly, Pam is my therapist.
One of the first assignments she gave me was to open a book, take a quiz and read what applied to me…IT CHANGED EVERYTHING.
This is basically a personality test. You answer a series of questions to establish what color or color combination you are and then go read the section that applies to you. In the pages of my results, I truly found ME. I’d never seen myself written so clearly before…the good and the not so good. I mean it when I say, it changed everything.
Before this process, I thought that I was broken, incapable of attracting what I wanted most and more importantly unworthy of it. I thought if I could somehow change or “fix” myself, I would get what I wanted. NEWS FLASH: I don’t need to be fixed.
One of the millions of beauties that I found in this book is that we are all exactly WHO WE ARE. Let me say that again, WE ARE WHO WE ARE and you know what else, we are all different and for good reason.
The idea behind this book, or at least my interpenetration of it, is to better get to know yourself, so that you can better get to know others, so that we can co-habitate in a more blissful manner.
Now, we don’t get a free pass here to act/treat people any ole’ way we want to. Along with the description of our character are examples of what we drift to when our lives are thrown off balance. The idea is to do what it takes to come back in to balance so that we can be our best selves and thus treat people accordingly.
*I could go into a lot more detail but I’d rather you read it, if interested, and find out the best of it for yourself (please let me know if you do).
The first several months I read my section (Blue/Violet) over and over again, breaking myself down layer by layer and what I have uncovered is truly my best self…Still a work in progress mind you BUT closer than I’ve ever been before to best.
What that has meant for everything I have mentioned above is this…I know myself better…I know that I can bring to myself anything and everything that I require, therefore my expectations for other people, especially love interests, aren’t so impossible that I know I’ll get disappointed…quite the opposite actually. Society has actually put such a negative spin on not having expectations that they’ve forgotten how much freedom that offers in not only relationships but friendships to offer a little wiggle room on that list.
Think for just a moment on the phrase “what if” and then imagine the best possible scenario…why can’t we do that instead of hyperventilating over the negative reaction we think someone will surely have. Better yet, why don’t be the person that reacts a bit better…
Maybe I am beginning to ramble but if you could ask almost everyone close to me they would be able to tell you what a difference they have seen in the past two years.
If I had written this post years ago I would have told you every dirty, cynical, ugly thing…which would have hurt people, included myself.
I am very thankful and blessed to be able to write this post from place of healing, love of life and people.
My final thoughts on this section are this…
I am enough, I have always been enough and I will always be enough to make my life full of joy and whole.
But I think it’d be lots of fun to share my life with someone so…
I believe there is an incredible man out there for me, just me, because the world is full of incredible men. We will be great friends, forever and we will spend our lives going on second dates, making the sweetest of love, being each others crush, daily, because we are in TRUE LOVE…
I have observed plenty of things that could make me not believe this BUT have paid attention to the things that make me believe it beyond doubt.
Maybe it’s my imagination that sings the loudest but I no longer fear my imagination, I live there most of the time, creating this idea of TRUE LOVE so that I will recognize it when it unfolds itself…
And as for marriage…It is a beautiful thing when it is honored, truly cherished and cared for…there are days when I’d really like to hear someone say “this is my bride”…but…I can no longer say I require it.
Whew, I think that is a wrap. I could speak on wanderlust, travel, mermaids and summertime but I am pretty proud of where I am leaving this challenge.
Lizzie, my beautiful muse, thank you for sharing so much of yourself with your readers and thank you for inspiring me. I’ve enjoyed every place this challenge has taken me.
Love you girl!!